Feedback: A Bitter Pill with Sweet Growth

Grateful for Feedback: Lessons on Growth, Tone, and Communication

Have you ever received feedback on your attitude towards others? Or taken a brave step to ask someone what they truly think about you? I do this sometimes scary as it sounds. Today happened to be one of those days when I needed feedback from my colleagues. I noticed subtle shifts in their attitudes and decided to address it. I’m a strong advocate for a positive and lively workplace after all, we spend most of our time at work, so the least we can do is make it a friendly environment.

When I asked my colleagues what was bothering them, they shared that they felt my tone towards one of the kitchen assistants was harsh. They also believed I reported them to our boss when issues arose, instead of approaching them directly. Curious, I asked for specific examples of what I’d done to treat the kitchen assistant unfairly. Guess what? They couldn’t provide a single concrete scenario just vague perceptions and assumptions.

Their concerns about the kitchen assistant escalated when they suggested that I’d deliberately left her name off the salary list. At first, I was hurt because they had no idea of the challenges I face dealing with our boss, who they see as an angel while I’m the "black sheep." I explained the situation with the salary list and how it was purely a misunderstanding. I also revisited their claims about my tone and asked again for clear examples.

One colleague mentioned an incident where I asked the assistant to chase flies out of the kitchen. They acknowledged that I had previously done the task myself but felt my tone made the request seem demeaning. Ah, tone the silent troublemaker in communication.

I took in the feedback and decided to address the issue directly. I called the kitchen assistant for a one-on-one conversation. It turns out, she was dealing with personal struggles, which affected how she interpreted my words. She mentioned feeling undervalued in her role because it didn’t align with her qualifications as a graduate.

This was an eye-opener for me. While I explained the importance of gratitude and perspective, I also asked her to clarify what she meant by me treating her "low." She couldn’t provide a clear answer, which reinforced my belief that people often use words they can’t fully define. Miscommunication, fuelled by personal lenses, can create unnecessary tension.

Reflecting on the situation, I realized how important feedback is, even when it stings. If I wasn’t self-aware, these criticisms could have crushed my confidence. But instead, I chose to grow. Feedback, I’ve learned, is the fuel for personal development. Assumptions only make things worse clear communication saves us from taking "paracetamol for headaches that aren’t ours."

I apologized to my colleagues and promised to work on my tone. This experience reminded me of something I learned in a personal development course: communication is 7% words, 38% tone, and 55% body language. While the 7-38-55 rule is a helpful guideline, it’s not a strict formula. Context matters, and so does the ability to combine verbal and nonverbal cues effectively.

I remembered another scenario where feedback taught me a valuable lesson. I once needed a place to stay and reached out to a friend I believed could help. She turned me down, and I felt hurt. A month later, I mustered the courage to ask if I’d done something wrong to warrant her refusal. Her response shocked me: “On the contrary, you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Oh, really? At the time, it didn’t make much difference to me because I’d already moved on. That experience taught me that treating people kindly doesn’t guarantee the same in return. Do it for the sake of goodness, and let go of expectations. Human nature can be unpredictable, but it shouldn’t deter us from doing what’s right.

Circling back to my current workplace situation, I now see how vital self-awareness and gratitude are in handling feedback. I genuinely didn’t realize my tone came across as harsh. In my mind, I thought I spoke politely, with “please” and “thank you” included.

While speaking with the kitchen assistant, I encouraged her to practice gratitude and reconsider the lens through which she viewed her job. She admitted that her dissatisfaction stemmed more from her personal frustrations than anything I’d done.

It’s interesting how our own struggles can distort reality. Imagine if I hadn’t taken the initiative to seek feedback or wasn’t equipped with the tools to ask empowering questions. This situation could have escalated unnecessarily. Feedback has taught me to approach situations with curiosity and an open mind.

Funny enough, I didn’t always handle feedback well. In the past, I’d bristle at criticism, viewing it as an attack rather than an opportunity to grow. Thank God for personal development and the lessons that come with maturity.

Have You Embraced Feedback?

Have you ever asked for feedback or received it unexpectedly? How did you handle it? Did it lead to growth, or did it leave you questioning yourself?

I’ve come to appreciate feedback for what it truly is: a mirror that reflects areas for improvement. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary. Whether it’s a misunderstanding at work or an interaction with a friend, feedback helps us navigate relationships with greater clarity and intention.

So here’s to feedback the bitter pill that sweetens with time and growth.