In the stillness of uncertainty

  

Sometimes, my mind feels like it's hosting a marathon of thoughts, each one racing for the finish line, but none quite sure where that is. It’s as if my emotions are trying to outpace each other, and I’m just trying to catch my breath, to figure out what I’m truly feeling. There’s this swirl of uncertainty, yet deep down, there’s an odd sense of certainty too. It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing if I should jump or wait for the storm to pass. I want to cry, to let the tears flow and wash away the confusion, but then I wonder, will crying really solve anything? Maybe it’ll give me a momentary relief, a brief pause before I face the feelings again, this time with a clearer mind and a steadier heart.

It’s strange, this feeling of solitude. I feel so alone at times, even though I know I’m not truly alone. I have people around me who care, yet there are moments when it’s just me, my thoughts, and the quiet echo of my own breath. But then, in those moments, I find something else a tiny glimmer of hope. Every breath I take holds a second of hope, a whisper of something better, something brighter. It might seem grey now, like the clouds before a storm, but if I squint just right, maybe I’ll see a rainbow of colors instead. Maybe, just maybe, the grey is hiding something beautiful, something waiting to be discovered.

I want to be seen not just by anyone, but by myself first. It’s easy to get lost in the noise, to let the world’s opinions drown out our own voices. But I’m learning that before the world can truly see me, I need to see myself. I need to recognize my own worth, to embrace my own journey. It’s not always easy. There are days when it feels like the whole world is against me, and other days when it feels like it’s just me against the world. Either way, I’m holding on to the One who created it all. I’m holding on to the faith that there’s a purpose behind every struggle, a reason for every tear.

I want to scream sometimes, to let out all the frustration, the confusion, the pain. But even if I did, who would hear? Who would genuinely care? Yet, despite all this, my fragile heart still finds a way to love and care. It’s been shattered before, more times than I can count. And yes, I’ve probably shattered some hearts too, though never with intention. It’s just part of the human experience, I suppose—this dance of hurting and healing. Healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s a path we walk every day, sometimes stumbling, sometimes sprinting. Forgiveness is a choice a choice that leads to peace, to letting go of the past so we can embrace the future.

I’m learning that being seen and heard by myself is a journey too. It’s about recognizing my own voice amidst the noise, about choosing to honor my own needs and desires. I’ve realized that anything that doesn’t empower me to be my best doesn’t deserve my attention. So, here’s what I’m reminding myself tonight: There’s always better ahead. After the night comes the daylight, bringing with it love, peace, and happiness. The darkness is not permanent; it’s just a prelude to the dawn.

Just because I don’t understand something now doesn’t mean I won’t understand it later. Life has a way of revealing its secrets in time. I need to be still and calm, trusting that He who holds all souls has me covered. I’m grateful for hope. When I see birds in the sky, I remember that He will always provide for me. If He can care for the birds, how much more will He care for me? I’m grateful for answered prayers, even when they don’t look like what I expected. Sometimes, the answer is right here, in this moment, but I’m too focused on the future to see it.

On my way to work today, I saw someone sleeping in his tricycle in the rain. It broke my heart a little, seeing him curled up against the cold, seeking shelter in the only place he could find. It reminded me to be grateful and ask for forgiveness when I forget how blessed I am. Sometimes, we get so caught up in what we lack that we forget to be thankful for what we have. So, to you, wherever you are as you read this, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say, "Thank you, my Lord." Gratitude is the key to unlocking peace, even in the midst of chaos.

And hey, if you feel like sharing, I’m here to listen. We’re all on this journey together, navigating the ups and downs, the uncertainties, and the hopes. Let’s keep the hope alive, knowing fully that the One who holds tomorrow also holds us in His hands.